What the f%$^ Joelle?

Last night as I sat my ass on the couch covered in blankets with my empty ice cream mug next to me, and oh yeah, having not gone to the gym, I had the Biggest Loser on tv for background noise. I hear screaming through the speakers, "what the f&$&^ Joelle? Dig Joelle. What the f*#&^% Joelle!!!" My name is not very common and is still fairly unusual, so I was stunned to hear this, stunned to look up and see an obese black woman getting screamed by her trainer Bob. I could instantly see her pain, and felt like he was yelling at me for skipping the gym! In my own defense I ran 4 miles on Sunday, and 2 yesterday with an extra 20 minutes on the elliptical. Tomorrow I plan on running at least 4 miles as well, so I'm considering this my rest day, complete with ice cream and snuggling with Bailey under blankets.

Sometimes I wish I could be a contestant on this show. Have a personal trainer and nutritionist follow me around, and literally scream in my face if I'm not doing enough sit ups or putting too much butter on my toast. I remember in high school going to volleyball practice for 2 hours almost every night. And after I blew my knee out I'd go to our community center and run on the track. It wasn't even a second thought, I just did it. Now I feel nauseous as I schlep to the gym.

Oprah's big push recently has been to live your best life and the most important thing she says to do is to put yourself back on your "to do" list. In our society, and by that I mean, the non-Hollywood society, it seems almost selfish to have ourselves on our to do list. In what is the monotony of every day life; dealing with stress, work, money, infertility, kids, pets, we often forget to think about ourselves. OURSELVES! We need to remember to put ourselves back on the list by taking a bubble bath once a week with candles and good book, or a yoga class, working out, or just giving ourselves an at home facial. I have already signed up for an indoor mini triathlon in February and that's what I'm doing to put myself back on the list. Since most of us don't have the luxury of quitting our lives and being a contestant on the Biggest Loser, we need ot put our own selves back on that to-do list!

Now I leave you with my new favorite contestant on the Biggest Loser...Keep pushing Joelle! Do me proud, G!!

Through Someone Else's Eyes

I'm an avid reader of Matt's blog about his baby and his wife, Liz, who died the day after she gave birth to their baby. I think about them often, at random times in the day. I think a lot about Liz. We were the same age, both grew up in the Midwest. She was a runner and did Team in Training once through the Leukemia Foundation. I did Team in Training once. I think we probably would have been friends had geography been on our side. Last night when I couldn't sleep I thought about why I think we'd be friends. I finally realized it all came down to Matt's writing about her. And it's Matt's perspective that we all have gotten to know Liz so well. I could have hated her or not gotten along with her, but through Matt's eye, I think she was one pretty cool chick.

That got me to thinking about how we are all perceived through other people's eyes. Usually, when we read blogs, we are reading a first person account on the trials and tribulations about infertility, dealing with cancer, or being a mom. But rarely do we get to peek inside someone's sole about their loved ones (excluding all babies). So rarely do we get to really learn about someone's personality and idiosyncrasies through the eyes of someone else. This dynamic was interesting to me.

I thought about how I'd be perceived through Kevin's eyes, or if my parents or sister were to write a blog if I were no longer here. What would they say about me, and what would be the things that they would remember the most? As we all strive to be the best that we can be, would I be happy with their account, or even think it's accurate? Would they think I'd be really laid back in a certain situation, but if it had actually happened I would have probably freaked out?

This all came full circle last night. Sundays are usually my day to go all out and cook a dinner...usually one that I haven't tried. It could probably be more accurately described as just putting questionable food on our plates and destroying the kitchen, but I enjoy it nonetheless. Of course I got a migraine and had to make some revisions to the meal because I just didn't have the energy for what I first planned. I told Kevin all of this and he responded something like..."I KNEW you weren't going to end up making that big of a meal." I thought...really? I am making it, just not the whole shebang. But it is also totally like me to scrap the whole thing and order a pizza, too. But I have big visions and sometimes lofty goals, so at least I'm trying.

Obviously, it's tough to see ourselves through someone else's eyes. And we probably will never really see what that other person is thinking. All we can hope for is do our best and live the lives that we think best and hope others just love us for who we are, and perhaps a little bit of who we strive to be.

Ease Up A Bit

Lately I haven't been sleeping all that well. I come home so tired and am in bed around 9pm. I don't know what is wrong with me. I think it's catching up on sleep from our holidays and also stress. I'm stressed about money, about IVF vs. Adoption, about money... So after writing the post on Wednesday, I felt I came off a bit harsh. We all have excuses, and I started driving myself crazy thinking about one excuse after another I think I wore myself out. I was reading another blog I check often and she posted the following a few days ago. It really hit home, and I decided to just...ease up a bit on myself.

A lecturer when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked 'How heavy is this glass of water?' Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g. The lecturer replied, 'The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it. If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance. In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.' He continued, 'And that's the way it is with stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on.''

As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden. ''So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down. Don't carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow. ''Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can.

So my friend, put down anything that may be a burden to you right now. Don't pick it up again until after you've rested a while.

Here are some great ways of dealing with the burdens of life:
* Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
* Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
* Remember to fill your senses with something uplifting: Music you love, a gorgeous sunset, a really great meal, passionate kisses, a heart to heart conversation with someone you care about.
*Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.
*If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
*If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
*It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to be kind to others.
*Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
*It's the second mouse that gets the cheese.
*When everything 's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
*Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.
*Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
*We could learn a lot from crayons... Some are sharp, some are pretty, and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.
*A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

No Excuses

I know I'm a little late with New Years Resolution post, but I figured it would give me some time to see how I'd do with my New Years Resolutions. I often don't make a resolution, or if I do, something fairly easy, like work out more.

Since I would like to forget 2008 for the rest of my life, I know 2009 is going to be the most phenomenal year. Have I mentioned this yet? Well it is. Enough said.

For my resolution this year, I wanted to concentrate on 2 things. Getting back in shape, and getting rid of those negative things in my life...or things which bring me down. My first resolution has been to get rid of the clutter in my life. This is all encompassing, but what a great resolution is has been for me...and even fun! First, I've cleaned up our tivo and got rid of tv shows that I should not be watching, or shows that put me in a place I don't want to be. I'm still watching tv, but cutting down on the tv watching is forcing me to read more, play with Bailey more, or work on projects. I have gone through our condo and gotten rid of trinkets and chochskies. Getting rid of useless things, and even things I was just getting tired of looking at, like candle holders, etc. I've been cleaning out drawers, and cabinets. It feels great. And it's on-going. I also think it looks nicer just having that cleaner feeling.

My second resolution is tougher I am finding. It's to stop making excuses. I encourage you to take a day and see how often you make excuses. Excuses for not going to the gym (work late/tired), excuse for not eating healthy (I will start tomorrow), excuse for gaining weight (infertility treatments). I often make all those excuses, and I am tired of listening to myself. I am tired of feeling out of shape because of the "infertility treatments." Or making any excuse under the sky to avoid the gym. Or even smaller things. Not calling a friend (I'm not a phone person), or not meeting friends out for drinks (I usually say I don't go out on Fridays). I've been at the gym 2 days this week, and signed up for a mini-indoor triathlon in February. It's still tough though, I think I made some new cuss words as I trudged to the gym yesterday. It was the last place I wanted to be...but I did it.

2009 has been about taking back ownership of my life. Enough with the excuses of infertility...yes, it sucks more than anything, but I am tired of using that as an excuse for everything in my life. This month I have 2 new IVF doctor appointments and a meeting for adoption at the end of the month. Something's going to happen, and it feels good.

I'm back, and taking my life back. No more clutter, no more excuses.

Lazy Tourist

I am back from my whirlwind holidays and trip to New York. New York City has a vibe that is like no other city in the world. I feel equally chic and hip, mixed with totally frumpy and fashionably out of touch…like I just caught a flight in from a tiny town in Montana.

When we were planning our NYC trip I found a hotel in Soho, and was excited to experience that part of Manhattan. Usually we stay with Kevin’s family about 45 minutes outside of the city, so I was looking forward to feeling like a real New Yorker for a few days. I had plans for us to go to Central Park, or on top of the Empire State Building, or maybe going to see a Broadway show. We did none of those things, making me think that perhaps we are lazy tourists.

When we were in Paris about 6 years ago, the person we were staying with called us the “laziest tourists he ever had stay with him.” We were horribly jet-lagged, and it was Kevin’s and my first time being in Europe. We’d sleep in until around noon, get up, grab some lunch or coffee, and then go see a site. After that, we’d walk around and grab more coffee in a little café, and chat for what felt like hours. We’d walk back to the apartment and get ready for dinner, and do the whole thing all over again the next day.

When we’re on vacation, I like to experience, instead of see. I like to listen to conversations instead of someone lecturing at me on a tour. While in Paris, I do remember going to Notre Dame, and the Louvre, but I have fonder memories of sitting in cafes sipping coffee. Or when we went to Normandy, I remember vividly seeing where our soldiers lost their lives, but I can also tell you what I ate the little restaurant in town, sipping a cider.

New York was no different. We barely went to any of the top tourist sites, but we relaxed. We saw Soho and went to restaurants around our hotel, and learned the streets and shops and the cool local hangouts. The most touristy thing we did was have drinks at the top of the Rainbow Room, and felt at peace chomping on nuts and sipping my champagne.

Perhaps we are lazy tourists to some, but to me, I like to get in there, and experience. I can open a book and see many of the things that people wait in line for endless hours. But being able to really experience and live it, is my way of vacationing…and perhaps life in general. And if that makes me a lazy tourist, then so be it.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

The Holidays are finally upon us! It's officially my last day of work until January 5th, and I couldn't be more excited about it! I was all set for Christmas this year, shopped early, presents all wrapped, but now suddenly I am stressed out. Oh well, I suppose that means I will be drinking some extra wine. Perhaps a little "drunk blogging?" I kid, though that could be kind of fun :) For Christmas this year, we'll be in Chicago with my side and Kevin's family is coming in as well. We are heading to New York City for New Year's, and I'm so excited! I will give a proper update once we return.

I leave you with the holiday card I sent out this year. Sorry if you didn't get one, they were pricey little suckers, so now you can enjoy.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you, your families and be safe!

Friday Fun

Ok people...time for some fun again. We received about a foot of snow in Chicago, and no one is at work today. And Christmas is 6 days away! Holy!!! I have one Christmas gift left to buy and I know exactly what I'm getting, just need to get my butt to the store to buy it. So all in all, I'm doing great :)

Here's a fun Friday video for all of you. Beyonce's video Single Ladies has been getting a lot of play, and spoofs too (Saturday Night Live...I kept that on the DVR for at least 2 weeks and watched it every single night at least once for those 2 weeks, Kevin was really excited to see it over and over and over again). But here's a "cute" spoof...just click on the picture below.

Enjoy!