Friday Fun!

Happy Halloween!

Pets in costumes. Quite possibly one of my favorite things. Not pets dressed as people, but dogs in Halloween costumes with tortured looks on their faces. Last year we dressed Bailey up as Spiderman. I meant to grab that photo last night, but went to bed early with a migraine on it's way. So the following photos will have to suffice. Have a happy and safe halloween!

I'd Like to Thank the Academy...

My dear cyber friend Jaime has chosen to give me an award for my blog. This couldn't make me happier, so thank you Jaime! Here's what she said about me:
Joelle! She's still pretty new to blogging but she's on an amazing and rough journey through IVF and has had many ups and downs, however, despite that, she's very upbeat and tries to always see the silver lining. She's a great writer and always has a great Fun Friday post!

I started blogging just to journal my feelings and didn't tell anyone about it. I didn't even tell my husband because I was embarrassed of what he would say. When I finally told him I was about 4 or 5 posts in. I remember he said..."jeez, how long were you going to keep this a secret?!" Of course he's been nothing but supportive and even helps Bailey post a comment now and then. I still haven't told most of my "real life" friends and family, but I hope to some day very soon.

Apparently, once you get this award you have some homework to do. Here's a list of questions that you have to answer with one word answers. Not easy for someone who likes to babble. So here goes...

1. Where is your cell phone? Purse

2. Where is your significant other? Work
3. Your hair color? Brunette
4. Your mother? Comfort
5. Your father? Strength
6. Your favorite thing? Bailey (ok, she's 2nd)
7. Your dream last night? Negative
8. Your dream/goal? Family
9. The room you're in? Office
10. Your hobby? Knitting
11. Your fear? Dying
12. Where do you want to be in six years? Italy
13. Where were you last night? Bed
14. What you're not? Calm
15. One of your wish list items? Baby
16. Where you grew up? Orland
17. The last thing you did? Sip
18. What are you wearing? Jeans
19. Your T.V.? Brainsucking
20. Your Pet? Bailzers
21. Your computer? Addicting
22. Your mood? Anxious
23. Missing someone? Nicholas
24. Your car? Murano
25. Something you're not wearing? Perfume
26. Favorite store? Nordstrom
27. Your Summer? Ancient
28. Love someone? YES!
29. Your favorite color? Purple
30. When is the last time you laughed? Dogbook
31. When was the last time you cried? Sunday

Now I'm going to pass the award on to my dear friend JJ:
JJ has a closed blog, but she has been trying for babe for quite some time as well. Her blog is honest and heartfelt, and I love reading what she has to write. We met on a path that we both had hoped to never go down, but here we are. She has been a dear cyber and real life friend, and I wish her all the best that life has to offer.

Chocolate in the City

I got off the “El” today heading into work and my olfactory senses were accosted with the bittersweet smell of chocolate. I took a deep breath and walked the two blocks to work with thoughts of big steaming cup of hot chocolate playing in my mind. The westerly winds in Chicago must be at it again.

For those who don’t live in Chicago, you’d never know why the city becomes engrossed with the smell of chocolate every so often. When I first moved here, I would smell it at random times, but not think anything of it and go about my day. One day a coworker mentioned how she smelled chocolate that morning and we got into a discussion about where it came from. Turns out there is a chocolate factory just west of the city, and when they are cooking up their latest batches, and the wind blows the right way, an invisible chocolate cloud sits itself right on top of my city. The smell used to almost get on my nerves, but I’ve come to love that smell, something I’m fairly certain only happens in Chicago.

Yesterday, Monday, was not a great start to the day. I woke up cranky, upset with the news of Jennifer Hudson’s family (obviously it’s huge news here in Chicago), and had a stressful day at work. I was happy to get home, and cocoon myself on the couch with my pup. Waking up this morning, I was hoping for a better day. Stepping off the El to the bitter, obvious smell of chocolate, I inhaled as deep as possible and smiled knowing I had inadvertently started my day with chocolate and that couldn’t make me happier.

The Thong Is Out?

The other morning I was listening to my local talk radio station. Besides the dj’s being mildly annoying, the female dj was talking about how she was at the gym, and looked over and saw a girl in a thong. She was aghast. She couldn’t believe that a girl was still wearing a thong because they were so “out.” Listening, I thought, “um, no they’re not! I still wear thongs.” And I know most of my friends still wear them as well. Then I got to thinking about what all the tv shows have women wearing and what they are selling in the stores. Then I almost had a panic attack thinking that my underwear is out of style. I know, such big issues I have.

Now I think the thong has some benefits. I will never be a fan of seeing an underwear line, but perhaps the dj was on to something. I went googling away, and found this article. Interesting. My sister in law works for Victoria Secret PINK…you would think I would have had some insider information on this. Though we rarely talk about underwear at family gatherings.

So I went to Nordstrom yesterday and browsed the lingerie department. And lo and behold, there were not many thong racks. I saw “boy underwear,” granny panties, and the ever popular hipster. Usually getting barraged with questions from the people working there, no one came to help. So I was on my own underwear brigade if you will. After looking around for what felt like an hour, I found a pair of panties I thought were adorable. I purchased them and had them wrapped in pretty tissue paper, and was on my way.

This is what I bought...aren't they adorable? And let me tell you that after 3 IVF treatments, and a pregnancy, all be it brief, I look EXACTLY like this in them.
Today was the day to try out my new fancy pants. I must admit. It’s quite nice not having underwear stuffed up my butt. These are most comfy things I’ve ever worn and they are actually staying put. I encourage everyone, ditch the thong, and go shopping for something to make you feel beautiful this weekend.

Channeling Jennifer Aniston

Since I had to take a month off after our last IVF cycle due to doctor’s orders I thought it would be a great time to try to get back to some sort of exercise routine. As it is now obvious, I love to run, but I knew I needed to do something else as well. Running is great cardio, but doesn’t tone the body, or really make it stronger. I’ve had some friends start doing Pilates, and I was excited to learn that the gym I belong to started offering Pilates classes that use the machines (reformer) this month. Since my pottery class was a bust (I went twice out of five times due to other commitments, ie laying on the couch hung over on Sunday mornings, hence why I never posted any pictures of my work), I was nervous to sign up for these classes. But of course I did, and I LOVE it!

Reformer Pilates is a great way to tone the core of your body, but also firm up the arm and leg muscles. The idea is not to create big, bulky muscles, but lean, long, sinewy muscles, like Jennifer Aniston’s body. She is a huge Pilates believer, who is really the only celebrity I’d get tongue-tied over if I ever met her (I did kind of almost meet her once in Chicago when she was filming The Break Up, but I dorked out, and just stared at her). I am also excited for Pilates because I can keep doing it in pregnancy and a few friends said their post pregnancy bodies bounced back easily by doing Pilates.

The first class only two out of four people showed up, but it worked out great as I had no idea what I was doing. I’m surprised I didn’t smack myself in the face with one of the pulleys. I came to realize just how out of shape I have become. Things that looked fairly easy to the girl next to me, where difficult for me. Sit-ups were difficult for me. Coordination was difficult for me. Breathing was difficult for me. I was relieved when the other girl’s back started hurting and we ended a bit early. I think the instructor wasn’t sad to send me on my way either. But by the second class I had a new found confidence, and kept up with everyone else. I think my instructor was proud!

After losing Nicholas and shooting my body up with fertility drugs, I have put working out and exercising on the back burner. And rightfully so. I don’t regret that my body has become a different shape, or curvier in places I don’t think curves belong. But what does bother me is when my self-esteem is inhibited. Leaving these past few Pilates classes I have felt stronger, and like I can do anything I set my mind to. I haven’t had that feeling since the very first month that we started trying for a baby, which was over two years ago. I have my hopes pretty high for this IVF cycle, and that’s ok with me. I want to be excited again. I don’t want to feel numb to babies, or IVF or thoughts of children running around the house or in the backyard. Now talk to me after the transfer when I have bought out the local Walgreen’s of pregnancy tests, and my story may change. But for today I feel stronger and hopeful.

Ready, Set, Go

This morning I woke up with a 75 lb dog taking up my side of the bed, and a sore back that felt like I had been moving boxes all weekend. I got in the shower, and my stomach starting hurting like no other. I thought it was from the pizza I ate yesterday. The whole pizza I ate yesterday. The whole cheese and sausage pizza I ate all by myself yesterday. But I was wrong. It was from my monthly visitor. Though the pain was almost enough to send me into a fits of crying, I am so happy to start our 4th and final IVF. Why final? Because this one is going to work dammit. And I'm not taking no for an answer.

Since our last cycle was one big failure because we didn't have great embies and none left for freezing, I want to do things a little differently this cycle. I want to eat healthy, keep up with yoga/pilates, stop drinking on Saturday night like it's my job, and just keep stress away. This was a great weekend to say good bye to all my indiscretions.

Saturday I had a jam packed day. I went out to the suburbs to see a friend and her babies. She has a 4 year old, and a 7 month old. Love these kids. Her 4 year old is one of the smartest little people I've seen. She speaks so clearly, is already reading and spelling. And the thing that cracks me up is she gets jokes...all be it, little kid jokes, but she gets sarcasm, and laughs like no other. At the end of the day she asked her mom, “can Miss Joelle come home and play for awhile?” It was fun to hang out with them, and I kept telling her 7 month old that he was coming home with me. He didn't seem to mind one bit. I was giving him cheerios so that seemed to help my case.

After that I rushed back to the city because I had signed up for a 5K race in Chicago by Lincoln Park Zoo. It was a Halloween event for kids, followed by a race for the adults. Apparently this weekend I wanted to surround myself around those things which I can't have. Talk about baby and kid overload! I brought Bailey, and she ran so well! I was so proud of her. We had to start at the back of the pack, with the baby strollers and other pups, but once the whistle went off, Bailey was out to win! She maneuvered her way through everyone, and we finished in a decent time, with 1 pee, 1 poop and 1 water break. The little kids were coming up after and asking if they could pet her. Such a good girl my Bailey.

Post all the running, dog and kid fun, I had a girls night with 2 of my closest friends. We had a great dinner followed by martinis (ok, more martinis). I had a French, an Espresso and Cheesecake martini. Now it's more clear why I had a whole pizza yesterday. It was a great weekend of visiting friends, getting some exercise with my #1 pup, and having some cocktails. Perfect way to end the fun, and get ready for a new cycle of IVF.

Friday Fun

This is from a forward I received...I HATE forwards. Really do, I rarely find them funny and I often delete before I even open them. My sister hates them as well, so I know if I get one from her, it has to be funny. She sent this one this week, and it gave me a chuckle. I'd like to add pilates, ice cream and the cleaning lady as well. And I know some of you would add shoes, handbags and chocolate. Happy Friday and have a great weekend!

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner. I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked,

'If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?'

'No, I had to stop drinking years ago', the homeless woman told me.

'Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?' I asked.

'No, I don't waste time shopping,' the homeless woman said.

'I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.'

'Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?' I asked.

'Are you NUTS!' replied the homeless woman. I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!'

'Well, I said, 'I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight.'

The homeless Woman was shocked.

'Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.'

I said, 'That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.'

Adoption Not a Means to Pregnancy

All my life I have wanted a baby. I wasn't one of those women at the age of 30 that thought now might be a good time to have a baby join our clan. Ever since I can remember, I wanted to be a mom. Though I've tried hard in my jobs, I have never been very career driven, or even obsessed with making the most money. My ultimate career goal is motherhood. I always knew I was going to be a mom to children from my womb or another woman's womb. Always.

Since we've tried a few IVF cycles, and since losing Nicholas, I think more and more about adopting lately. I think of going to Russia (maybe Palin can help us since they're neighbors and all), or China, or even domestic adoption to adopt the bundle of joy that is meant to join our family.

Lately, every time I see my girlfriends, they ALL ask me how we are doing. It's very nice for people to check up on me, I really do appreciate that the cat's out of the bag and I can be honest about our current situation and doing IVF. Lately, I've mentioned to a few people that we'd consider adoption if the next IVF cycle didn't work. I more so wanted to see how it felt to say it out loud. Gage my feelings with it, and see if I was comfortable and if it was a road we'd really explore. As I told each of 3 or 4 girlfriends separately, I felt exhilarated and excited! Each friend gave the same positive feedback with lit up faces. That yes, a family is the important thing, doesn't matter where you all come from.

But then, their faces got even brighter. EVERY...SINGLE...ONE...OF...THEM. And I'm not kidding when I say that each friend, and separately, finished the conversation with, "and then I bet you get pregnant because you adopted!!" Cue in my face and emotions deflating, and I explain to them, that yes, most everyone knows someone that this has happened to, but the probability of it actually happening is so small. Not only that, but if we do consider adoption, it is not my way to sneak around the system to get pregnant. I consider it an honor to raise another woman's baby, not just a 2nd choice, or what's behind door number 2. It start building our family, and it would be the greatest thing to adopt.

I am almost at the point of conceding the pregnancy race. I have given this fight my (almost) all. We’ll try IVF 1 or 2 times at the very most, and then I’m done. I can’t do it anymore. I will wave my white non-pregnancy flag high in the air, and surrender with grace. We will then take out a black and white checkered flag and wave it for go. Wave it for adoption. Wave it because we are so lucky that this is even an option to us. Either way, we will win the war. And of that I’m sure.

It's Not Winter Yet

Last night Kevin and I both got home from work early which is unusual, especially for Kevin. Once Kevin cleaned up Bailey's mess of her incessant chewing (why does she keep doing this? She attacked our duvet and down comforter the other day), we decided to head out to the field. The sun was shining and it was one of those perfect 75 degree autumn days, so we changed clothes and made our way bringing the new frisbee I bought Bailey. We quickly learned new frisbees don't work very well as this lifeless piece of cloth was more like a boomerang. Bailey was confused as to why the frisbee wasn't moving forward and we were annoyed because she would be halfway down the field and the frisbee would land 5 feet away from us. After Bailey chewed on it a little (she is after all an expert chewer), the frisbee sailed high in the air, and she even caught it once. We, her huge dork parents, were screaming and jumping up and down that she managed such a feat.

After I made dinner and we cleaned up, I started craving ice cream. I crave ice cream almost every night but some nights I know I can't live without it. It looked pitch black outside, and it was only 7pm. I contemplated for another 20 minutes if we should walk to get ice cream. After realizing that I wouldn’t survive the night without some cookie dough, I threw on a sweatshirt and flip flops, snapped on Bailey’s leash, and we were on our way.

As we started our walk I realized that half the city was out and about enjoying the weather. I walked down North Avenue and all the pubs and bars were full and you could hear the monotone hum of people eating and drinking spilling into the streets. I walked past boutiques with people still shopping and coffee shops with macroeconomic books spread across the table. It was such a nice night to walk in the city, and Bailey was having a blast too. She was wagging her tail at the walkers, sniffing new pups she hadn’t yet meet, and pulling on the leash with her teeth, something she loves to do when she’s playing and/or trying to be a brat.

I got a couple pints of ice cream and we made our way home. I almost didn’t want the ice cream after that because I felt refreshed and awake, and vibrant the way that only a bustling city at night can make you feel. Of course I fixed myself a big mug of Cake Batter with Cookie Dough and Brownie bits, and got situated on the couch next to Kevin who was writing his paper, and Bailey curled up on the blanket next to me. Perfect end to the night, and not such a bad start to the new season.

Giving Back

In my never ending quest for self awareness/fulfillment, I have decided to do some volunteer work. I feel that with all we are spending on IVF, and all the effort and focus being on us and creating a family, I should take a look at others in need and realize we are not so bad off. I’ve been looking to volunteer or join an organization for years now, ever since I graduated college. I have done the occasional volunteering through work, but had yet to find something that I was passionate about. If I did find something that interested me, it always got sidetracked by working long hours, wedding planning, moving homes, going back to school, training for triathlons, doing IVF…well, basically life.

A few months ago I was running a race along the lake front. Getting up at the crack of dawn to exercise brings out some fairly interesting people. As I was running I passed a group of teenagers. A group of teenagers at 8 in the morning just hanging out? I ran past a couple of the girls and my heart sank. Sitting on this bench was one girl who was very much overweight, and probably hadn’t slept all night. She wore all black with multiple piercings. Her “boyfriend” was straddling her lap, legs wrapped around her. I couldn’t take my eyes off her because I saw such a look of pain and bewilderment in her eyes. She looked absolutely miserable. I wanted to run over and tell that boy to get his skinny butt off of her, and take her aside and wipe away all the make-up and take out the piercings. I wanted to tell her she’s worth so much more in life, that she IS good enough. But I didn’t do any of that. I kept running my race and made a mental note that somehow I wanted to help that girl. Or girls like her. I think it was a sign that I was running when I saw this girl.

Shortly thereafter, I heard about an organization called Girls on the Run. Go here, if you’d like to learn a little about their mission. Basically, they work with pre-teen girls from lower income backgrounds and work to boost their self-esteem by training them for a 5K race. They have a special race for the girls called WonderGirl 5K. It sounded like the perfect fit for me. I love to run, I love working with kids, and after going to an all girl’s high school truly believe in the power of raising a girl’s self-esteem and self-confidence can and will make a huge difference in her life.

A few weeks ago I decided to contact them and see how and where I could help out. I’d eventually like to be a part of their organization on a greater scale, but realize I need to start slow. I need to learn the ins and outs of the organization. Eventually I’d like to become a coach, but that doesn’t work with my schedule right now. In November I will be volunteering for this first race (November 15th), and I can’t wait. I’m also helping out leading up to it with the goodie bags, and getting ready for the race. This is the first time in a long time that I feel I can truly give back and I will be keeping that girl in my mind the whole time.

What Have You Tried?

A few weeks ago Nicole Kidman told the press that she thinks she got pregnant by swimming in “fertility waters” in Australia. After I heard that, I thought, “oh no! If people can afford it, they will be buying tickets to Australia first chance they get to go swimming in these mystic waters.” Apparently 7 out of 9 of the women she was with got pregnant from these waters. What Nicole failed to mention was that she most likely used clomid, or another fertility treatment. That was most likely the REAL cause for her getting pregnant. Why do celebrities feel the need to hide how they really get pregnant? With the surge of twins in Hollywood to older actresses, it’s most likely that they had some help in getting them. There’s only about a 3% chance of having twins in a normal pregnancy, so it seems very likely, more times than not, these actresses had some help.

But the real point for this blog today, was to talk about what women will do to get pregnant. I have tried some crazy things to get pregnant. If someone told me to shave my head because longer hair messes with fertility, I’d probably go to the salon right now! I have tried baby Tylenol (no clue why, someone else told me to try it). I bought instead cups, but never used them because I chickened out at the last minute. If you don’t know what these are, then you probably got pregnant on your first try. I have tried drinking teas and acupuncture. I have gone off caffeine, gone back on caffeine, eaten only cooked food (no cold salads), and given up carrots. Basically, if I heard about it might work, I’ve tried it.

I have heard women trying crazy things like taking Robitussin, drinking grapefruit juice, drinking fertility shakes or standing on their head after sex. Now, there are fertility waters in Australia I need to check out. I guess I should start looking into plane tickets. Or maybe I will just stay with my current plan of going through IVF another time.