Everyone tells you when you have a baby, it changes your life. Sleep gets thrown out the door, spontaneous outings are never heard from again, and priorities are forever shifted. We can't wait for these things to start happening to us, but when you're adopting, things start shifting a bit earlier.
This past weekend, Kevin and I went on a little trip across the country. It was an important trip, perhaps one of the most important things that we'll ever do. We got to meet the birth mother who has chosen us. We got to meet her mother. We got to meet her sisters and aunt. We met the birth father, and his brother. By Saturday night we fell exhausted, and found a bottle of wine and a piece of chocolate cake, instantly taking us back to our comfort zone. To what we know.
After I lost the baby, I bounced back fairly quickly. Everyone said how strong I was. I went back to work a week later. I started going out with friends again over a month after that, and generally speaking, I was doing ok. It got on my nerves how everyone kept telling me that, because I wasn't trying to be strong and move forward, it just happened. I didn't want to live sad. Plus, I truly believe that there is a difference in strength with what happens TO you, as opposed to what you choose to go out and make happen. My point is, losing the baby happened to us, we just needed to react and deal with the broken pieces. But going through adoption...that is something we have pursued and gone after ourselves. Which takes a 1000 times more strength, in my opinion, to go after a dream. To take yourself 110% out of your comfort zone and do something radical.
Adoption is not radical, I realize. But sitting on a couch at our BM's home with her mom, having just met less than 12 hours before, talking about the baby that is growing in her, that we will raise. Well that was a pretty surreal experience. Radical, almost, in my eyes. Every so often I would get this thought..."what are we doing?!" Not that I'm having second thoughts or anything, don't get me wrong. But unless you've gone through it, there are few words to even start to describe what we were feeling. I'm sure the BM was feeling the same way...but if she wasn't pregnant, our paths never would have crossed, and I couldn't help but feel that we were sent there for a reason. Yes, the baby, but this family chose us for a reason.
Many questions have come up about the BM, the baby, due date, sex, etc. I won't be sharing any further details about the BM. We are going to keep those details private from everyone and only share with the baby. It's the baby's information to have, and when baby is old enough, baby can do with it what he/she pleases. I will say that she is due in February, and yes, we know the sex, but we are keeping that under wraps for now too.
We are ready for the life changing exprience the baby will surely bring. We have been ready. But life changing has already started for us. We are beyond excited, and just letting ourselves bask in the joy that we will soon be parents. But we continue to pray for the BM and her family, because in a few months, she will need it more than ever, for her life is changing too.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Making Plans
Ever hear the saying, "life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.*" Nothing could be more appropriate for us in the past few years. We have made many plans only to be laughed at by said plans. It's been a huge lesson of patience and perseverance. We must not forget the perseverance.
Today I was out walking my pup, and two little girls half walked, half skipped past us as only little girls can do. They were about 10 years old, and I caught part of their conversation. One said, "so before we get married and stuff, do you want to get an apartment by ourselves in New York City? Like a HUGE apartment?!" The other responded, "of course!...but we're not marrying each other." And they scurried along, and I thought how cute it was that they were making these plans at the age of 10 years old. Plans are funny things.
But it brought me back to our wedding day. I had invited one of my oldest friends to our wedding, and we had really lost touch. But as a last minute addition, I added her to the guest list and she showed up! She came right up to me, and gave me a hug at the reception and asked immediately why the bridesmaids didn't all have different colored gowns on, like a rainbow. I did have a glass or two of wine, but I looked at her like she was crazy. She said, when we were little, you always talked about how at your wedding the bridesmaids would be wearing different colors...one color was just boring. And in an instant I saw us in our 10 or 11 year old selves talking about such things as our wedding days.
Right now we're making different kinds of plans. We are planning the arrival of a baby. Not our biological baby, but a baby that is to be ours, nonetheless. I have been pregnant, so I know how different this feels to prepare for a baby that is not in my womb. Sometimes I think I can't have a glass of wine...because of the baby! Then I'm brought back to reality that I'm not the one carrying our baby. Then, of course, I go pour myself a huge glass of red wine. I also keep thinking that once the baby arrives, I won't be able to run or do my normal things because I will be sort of recovering...like from giving birth. Don't call the authorities on me...I'm sane, I promise. But since I've done it the other way, this way is so different. Good different, but still different.
While we're making plans, we're still keeping things in check. We are soon going to be meeting our birth mom. I am not nervous, or anxious about it at all. I feel for her, and just want to give her a hug. If she chooses to parent her baby in the end, I will be disappointed, but I will understand. But in the meantime, we'll keep making plans, it's what we do, after all.
*John Lennon
Today I was out walking my pup, and two little girls half walked, half skipped past us as only little girls can do. They were about 10 years old, and I caught part of their conversation. One said, "so before we get married and stuff, do you want to get an apartment by ourselves in New York City? Like a HUGE apartment?!" The other responded, "of course!...but we're not marrying each other." And they scurried along, and I thought how cute it was that they were making these plans at the age of 10 years old. Plans are funny things.
But it brought me back to our wedding day. I had invited one of my oldest friends to our wedding, and we had really lost touch. But as a last minute addition, I added her to the guest list and she showed up! She came right up to me, and gave me a hug at the reception and asked immediately why the bridesmaids didn't all have different colored gowns on, like a rainbow. I did have a glass or two of wine, but I looked at her like she was crazy. She said, when we were little, you always talked about how at your wedding the bridesmaids would be wearing different colors...one color was just boring. And in an instant I saw us in our 10 or 11 year old selves talking about such things as our wedding days.
Right now we're making different kinds of plans. We are planning the arrival of a baby. Not our biological baby, but a baby that is to be ours, nonetheless. I have been pregnant, so I know how different this feels to prepare for a baby that is not in my womb. Sometimes I think I can't have a glass of wine...because of the baby! Then I'm brought back to reality that I'm not the one carrying our baby. Then, of course, I go pour myself a huge glass of red wine. I also keep thinking that once the baby arrives, I won't be able to run or do my normal things because I will be sort of recovering...like from giving birth. Don't call the authorities on me...I'm sane, I promise. But since I've done it the other way, this way is so different. Good different, but still different.
While we're making plans, we're still keeping things in check. We are soon going to be meeting our birth mom. I am not nervous, or anxious about it at all. I feel for her, and just want to give her a hug. If she chooses to parent her baby in the end, I will be disappointed, but I will understand. But in the meantime, we'll keep making plans, it's what we do, after all.
*John Lennon
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