We had a lovely weekend here on the east coast. My parents came out to visit us for the first time since we moved and it had all the markings of success; quintessential New England fall weather, great food from great restaurants, and lots of wine to keep the conversation flowing and laughter loud. What can I say, I get my love of wine from my parents, and my love of coffee and my impatience. Oh, whatever, it was a great weekend!
I was hoping to have some good news for my parents on the adoption front. Our profile was presented to a birth mom (BM) last Friday, and I didn't know how long it would take for her to make a decision. I forgot to ask those minor details, but also didn't think that they would hurry a BM because of the obvious that she is deciding who is going to raise her baby. So the week came and went as I checked my cell phone every single second. I had an appointment on Thursday and had to shut my cell phone off for the first time that week. I knew as soon as I turned it off, she was going to call, and thought that was actually a good thing. And, of course I was right. I listened to her message, feeling nauseous, certain she was going to say that we were not chosen. Talking myself off the ledge that if she didn't choose us, there are so many people like us that deserve babies. But the message had different news...that our BM needed more time. She had narrowed down her choices, and were still in the running, but she needed more time. I slammed my phone shut, happy, and still a little weary. My parents were coming in on Friday and I needed to get the house ready.
My parents got in late Friday night, so we welcomed them at the airport and came back to our house for some wine and cheese. My laptop was sitting out, so I decided to show my parents facebook! I took them through their high school classes, and showed them what my friends were up to. It was so much fun...I think my dad is going to ask me to be his "friend" soon. Wonder what I'll write on his wall?
Saturday we headed to New Haven to see Yale, and walk around town. The weather was warm and breezy. We ate pizza, toured Yale, decided that Yale students are more attractive than I had thought smart kids would be, and did a little shopping. We also saw a 6 foot beach ball being rolled down the sidewalk by some students and you would have thought that they had Michael Jackson with them by the way other students were reacting. I felt like I witnessed something great...and I sorely miss college.
Saturday on our way back my dad wanted to stop at a wine shop. There was a bakery next door and I wanted to ask them a question so headed in with my mom. On our way out, over to the wine shop, my cell phone started ringing. I noticed the area code as our agent at the adoption agency and waved my mom into the wine shop so I could take the call. It was our agent and she had some news...the birth mom had chosen us! I can't tell you what she said on the phone, I can't tell you want I said, all I know is I started crying outside the wine shop. I looked in and gave Kevin's a thumbs up, and he thought I was crazy. Then I started making a sign of rocking a baby, and he ran outside and swooped me in a hug. It was one of the best moments I will remember in my life.
My parents have known we were are getting shown to BM's, but don't know any details...so we decided to tell them at dinner that night. Again, I think instead of telling the story from start to finish, I think I started in the middle, went to the beginning and somewhere in there got to the finish.
While we are so thrilled, we are also very cautious. We know that at the end, she could change her mind. But she wants to meet with us, so we will be flying across the country to meet her soon. I feel surprisingly at peace, and I'm not sure why. I guess because I feel humbled that we have another journey. That we will meet her, that our joy will be her loss. That we must remain cautious right now, and try not to get too excited. But knowing we were chosen by the first BM that saw our profile...that if she does change her mind in the end, it shouldn't be long before we are chosen again. And after all we have been through, I have tried to remember there is a plan for us and I must remain positive, because if nothing else, who wants to hang out with debbie downer all the time?
So I ask for prayers and positive thoughts, not only for us, but for the BM. I will be not sharing all the details, as it is somewhat private. It all feels surreal right now and I can't help but think this could finally be our time. But I also know life can throw curve balls and have come to expect them. For today we are happy and basking in the contentedness that we have been chosen.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Just Breathe...and Sleep!...and Breathe Again...
because the fun is about to begin.
About 2 weeks ago I called my social worker to see where we were at with our home study. I hadn't heard from her, and knew we were just waiting for our background checks to come through. She emailed back to say our home study was completed! She then mailed it to the agency we are using, and hence, my wonderful, fitful nights of sleep were no longer. Did I ever mention that I have issues sleeping with big things going on in my life? I do. But I digress.
With the arrival of said home study to our far away agency, we then had to finish our family profile and dear birth mother letter. I had started our profile, but now that the adoption process was once again back in our laps I didn't want to waste any more time. The profile, which is a little booklet of photos of us, our home, our life, etc, is the first piece of us that the potential birth mother will see. So the pictures are important, as well as the layout and how we decide to project ourselves...all on paper...all smiling and happy, and all...I like to run, and travel, and play with my puppy, in my super kid friendly house in the suburbs...don't you want us to parent your child? Which is all true, but I'm a smart ass, and sometimes, dare I say it, a little cranky? And Kevin...well his sense of humor is so dry that sometimes my dad has to look at him for a few seconds before he laughs at something Kevin said because he's not sure if it was a joke or not. Bottom line, we're not perfect, but have to try to look somewhat perfect on paper. It's not easy to project that all in photos!
I finished (sorry, we Goose, we...) the profile this week and had it printed at our local copy shop. Let's set the scene here...I give my saved file to the girl working at "Linko's" and she takes it all bored like, sticks it in the hard drive to start my printing. I see her scroll through every page...I try to act nonchalant. She looks up,
"oh my god, are you adopting?!"
"Yes, that's the plan anyway!"
"Oh, can you not have kids?"
"Umm...well, we don't know if that's true...but we um...well we are just adopting!"
(Enter a copy shop co-worker male, middle aged...weird looking)
Him: "Oh, who is the problem?"
Me: "Umm...wha....I dunno...I just..."
Him: Point to his groin area, "I mean is it him, low sperm count or something?"
Me: "HA HA HA! I....HA HA HA! No...it's...um (none of your effing business)..it's really unexplained."
Him: "UNEXPLAINED!?! Well go get your money back! I have a kid, 2 years old you can have him for 2 million dollars."
Me: "Ha ha...ok, I need some additional supplies so I will come back when my copies are ready."
Yes, I kid you not folks. Some people are THAT ignorant. But I realized that with adoption I will probably have to get ready for the dumb questions and comments that come out of people's mouths. Because if one more person tells me I'm going to get pregnant once we adopt I'm going to kick their butt to the moon. That to me...is like saying to someone, "once you get married, I bet you meet your soul mate." My other soul mate just happens to be sitting in some other mama's belly right now.
I did walk out with my copies, and sent them off to our agency. I emailed our agency contact to let her know our profiles were on their way, and she called me back yesterday and said that she needed a copy by this Friday because she wanted to present us to a birth mom! This is really starting to happen for us! Even if she doesn't choose us, we are now in the mix. It feels amazing, and surreal, and a little crazy in my head right now. So breathing is good and sleeping would be nice too, but I'd rather not be sleeping because of all this good, than staying awake thinking about the bad things.
About 2 weeks ago I called my social worker to see where we were at with our home study. I hadn't heard from her, and knew we were just waiting for our background checks to come through. She emailed back to say our home study was completed! She then mailed it to the agency we are using, and hence, my wonderful, fitful nights of sleep were no longer. Did I ever mention that I have issues sleeping with big things going on in my life? I do. But I digress.
With the arrival of said home study to our far away agency, we then had to finish our family profile and dear birth mother letter. I had started our profile, but now that the adoption process was once again back in our laps I didn't want to waste any more time. The profile, which is a little booklet of photos of us, our home, our life, etc, is the first piece of us that the potential birth mother will see. So the pictures are important, as well as the layout and how we decide to project ourselves...all on paper...all smiling and happy, and all...I like to run, and travel, and play with my puppy, in my super kid friendly house in the suburbs...don't you want us to parent your child? Which is all true, but I'm a smart ass, and sometimes, dare I say it, a little cranky? And Kevin...well his sense of humor is so dry that sometimes my dad has to look at him for a few seconds before he laughs at something Kevin said because he's not sure if it was a joke or not. Bottom line, we're not perfect, but have to try to look somewhat perfect on paper. It's not easy to project that all in photos!
I finished (sorry, we Goose, we...) the profile this week and had it printed at our local copy shop. Let's set the scene here...I give my saved file to the girl working at "Linko's" and she takes it all bored like, sticks it in the hard drive to start my printing. I see her scroll through every page...I try to act nonchalant. She looks up,
"oh my god, are you adopting?!"
"Yes, that's the plan anyway!"
"Oh, can you not have kids?"
"Umm...well, we don't know if that's true...but we um...well we are just adopting!"
(Enter a copy shop co-worker male, middle aged...weird looking)
Him: "Oh, who is the problem?"
Me: "Umm...wha....I dunno...I just..."
Him: Point to his groin area, "I mean is it him, low sperm count or something?"
Me: "HA HA HA! I....HA HA HA! No...it's...um (none of your effing business)..it's really unexplained."
Him: "UNEXPLAINED!?! Well go get your money back! I have a kid, 2 years old you can have him for 2 million dollars."
Me: "Ha ha...ok, I need some additional supplies so I will come back when my copies are ready."
Yes, I kid you not folks. Some people are THAT ignorant. But I realized that with adoption I will probably have to get ready for the dumb questions and comments that come out of people's mouths. Because if one more person tells me I'm going to get pregnant once we adopt I'm going to kick their butt to the moon. That to me...is like saying to someone, "once you get married, I bet you meet your soul mate." My other soul mate just happens to be sitting in some other mama's belly right now.
I did walk out with my copies, and sent them off to our agency. I emailed our agency contact to let her know our profiles were on their way, and she called me back yesterday and said that she needed a copy by this Friday because she wanted to present us to a birth mom! This is really starting to happen for us! Even if she doesn't choose us, we are now in the mix. It feels amazing, and surreal, and a little crazy in my head right now. So breathing is good and sleeping would be nice too, but I'd rather not be sleeping because of all this good, than staying awake thinking about the bad things.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
