Finding Peace

This morning I crawled my way out of the covers with a dog that kept licking my face, and laced up the ol' running shoes to make my way out the door for a run.  I tightened my shoes before I took off down the street and looked at the tag on my shoe.  I have an ID tag with my name, and a couple emergency contacts in case something ever happens to me and they can't identify who I am.  On these tags there's a couple of extra lines where you can put a motivating saying, tag line or nickname.  One of my friend's put "Don't Hurt Me" on hers, which still makes me laugh, but on mine I put "My Feet Keep Me Running, My Wings Let Me Fly."  It's the title of the first blog post I ever wrote. 

I have been feeling very at peace lately, and glancing down at that tag, I realized just how far I had come from about two years ago, right about the time I started blogging.  When I started blogging I was just a few months past losing my most precious gift, and I was not in a great place.  I was trying...trying to be positive, but I've come to realize that when you lose someone very close to you it really messes you up.  And looking back, I'm so proud of the way I came out of that darkness, but know that my heart was still broken into many pieces.  And I think this somewhat stayed until we moved to Connecticut.

Moving has given us a reason to slow down a bit.  Leave the city life, smell the fresh sea air and experience greenery besides weeds growing in the sidewalk.  I truly believe we were given this gift to help center us, and put us in a better place emotionally.  At least I know it's been that way for me.  Going on hikes 1-2 times of week, something happens to me when I'm out there in the woods.  I feel weightless, centered, and healed.  But since we moved it hasn't all been harmonious.

I noticed a couple of months ago that I had a new growth of hair coming in.  Not just a couple strands, but all around my head spurts of hair! I thought maybe that I had damage from hilites, but that didn't make sense since I only get them on top and I had hair growing at the bottom too.  Last time I was at my hair dresser I asked her about it.  She said sometimes diet could make that happen, and I did lose 15 lbs when we moved.  But more than likely it was stress.  With a big move across the country, embarking on adoption, and going what we went through with the adoption, it is very likely my hair fell out somewhere along the way.  I have a TON of hair, so I never really noticed, but now that it's growing back in...It's hard not to notice because it's really messing up my 'do. 

But now, I have peace.  After the adoption failed and we picked up the pieces, I had feeling wash over me that everything is going to be alright.  Desperation kind of found the exit door, and I know that I can't do much to change that plan is set for us.  We are still being proactive with adoption and one last round of IVF, but I'm equally excited about them both!  It's almost the question of what is going to happen...and either way, I couldn't be more interested to learn what God has planned for us.  I now know that God hasn't forgotten about us, but that it's going to be damn good since we've waited so long.