Quiet Space

When I was in high school, we’d often go to retreats with our class at some location a few hours away. The locations were remote, with minimal distractions, and a kind of quiet that can often drive a city girl to insanity. I went to an All-Girls-Catholic High School, so these retreats were the norm since I can remember.

I remember one exercise where we had to close our eyes and someone took us through a visualization exercise. Vividly I remember that this woman asked us to find our happy place that we could escape to in our thoughts whenever we might need to. She really wanted us to think it through, and come up with some place that we had been, and that we loved, and was serene. To this day, when I can’t fall asleep because I have too much on my mind I go back to that place I thought up on that fateful day in high school. And often when I can’t get unsettlingly thoughts out of my head I sift through the thoughts in my mind to instantly go there.

I am walking on the beach in Florida, in Sanibel Island. I am wearing this wind breaker that I loved in high school, and no one else is around. I am walking by myself, and it’s pretty windy and I am just enjoying the sun on my skin, breeze in my curly hair, and soft crash of the waves. I hear an occasional sea gull. I pick up some shells every so often, but mostly, I’m just strolling. Whenever I “go here” I pretty much fall asleep instantly or just calm my nerves. I grew up going to Sanibel, almost every Christmas my family would pack up, leave the cold weather in Chicago and find ourselves planted on the beach. Every year we'd go back, I was another year older. Starting in 7th grade, I would have crushes on boys, to a high school boyfriend, to the stresses of getting through college, to finding a post college job. And finally, being able to bring my husband down with our family. Sanibel holds a lot of memories for me.

As I get older and more involved in life with work, family, baby making, I find it harder to escape to some place quiet. Perhaps that’s why I still use my high school quiet place, but it still works, so why mess with a good thing. I’ve tried using Italy, Greece or Hawaii for this exercise, but I find I just stress myself out thinking I want to go back to these places and it will be a little while before we get to go back. So I head to Sanibel Island in my high school wind breaker and jean shorts.

Lately, with the mundane winter, and blistery cold, I have found my own personal space at work during lunch. There is a huge hotel connected to my building. I have started going there almost every day during the lunch hour as a kind of escape. It’s pretty quiet, filled with business people chatting on self phones, or inconspicuously chanting a speech they are going to have to give in one of the hotels conference rooms. I find a huge comfy chair, and read my book, or just close my eyes and let the steady hum of the space clear my thoughts. I stay for about an hour and just watch business travelers, friends, families or couples come and go.

Today, I sat in an oversized, billowy chair reading my book. I kept reading the same line over and over again, because it was more fun to people watch instead of read. I finally did get into my book only to hear the subtle snores of a gentleman who had surrendered to the plush chair. I looked over at him, and he opened his eyes, seemingly embarrassed. But he just closed his eyes again and went back to sleep. I just closed my book, and packed up the remnants of my lunch to leave this man to his quiet space. But I didn’t mind, I can share a good thing when I find it.