And new week, new month, a new leaf...
We got home from Utah now a week and a half ago, and I felt good with where were at then. We had a nice weekend last weekend, seeing some friends in Manhattan at a fun and loud German restaurant. We finished unpacking and just kind of got our lives back on track. The week started without much fanfare but as the week progressed I started to feel the effects of all that we had gone through. I had a couple bad days at work, and even broke down crying one day at my desk. I work from home, so it's not as bad as it seems. The stress of it all just hit me and for that brief moment, it was more than I could bear.
Friday came along with a wallop of snow storm, that seemed apropos for the week I was having. By late Friday afternoon, the skies opened up and we had the most beautiful sunset I've seen with crisp white snow. I went for a hike with Bailey down the street at the forest preserve and it was stunning. It looked like a winter wonderland, and again I was reminded how beautiful Connecticut is. My heart belongs in Chicago, but Connecticut might be one of the prettiest states I've entered (and I've been to about 30).
As I hiked I started to feel better. I shed the rough work week and had a chat with myself out there. I needed to step back up. To bring my A game to work, infertility, adoption, whatever the case may be at that certain time. That adoption had seen it's last tears from me, and I just can't live life feeling like my head is underwater.
I know better things are to come. We survived the snowstorm and caught a glimpse of the sun. Today is a new day, with a fancy new blog to match.
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I'm so glad you're finding strength and peace again. You've been through something so hard and I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. I remember after our first failed adoption my sister in law wrote me an email where she said this: "when the babies you promised to raise, come to the earth, no power will be able to stop those spirits from coming into your home. Trust and trust some more. God knows what He's doing."
ReplyDeleteThere was something about her words that helped me feel so much better about all the unknowns and just trust more that somehow we'd be guided in the right direction. I just want you to know that that's what I'm praying for for you... that you'll feel guided in the right direction that will lead you to your baby (or babies).