Lost Girl Found

Sundays are usually a day to relax. After a generally hectic Saturday of running errands, talking for no less than 8 hours about what we want to do Saturday night (out here in CT plans aren't just made through friends, we have to proactively plan things if we want to get off the couch), and cleaning up the house, Sundays are the opposite. I like to get up with Bailey and take her to the forest preserve down the street for some hiking, followed by perhaps breakfast out, and just let the day lead us to whatever we want to do. A lazy day, if you will.

This past Sunday my plans were no different. I got up before Bailey and let our little sleeper stay in bed snuggled with Daddy a little longer. I chugged some coffee, and finally decided we needed to go for our hike along the river bank. As I've mentioned, this is Bailey's favorite place on earth. She sprints ahead of me and waits in the various water banks, and when I walk up it's a little game of "where's waldo?" since Bailey's brown fur just camouflages in the natural surroundings. It's one of my favorite things ever about her.

I wanted to only spend about 35-40 minutes hiking, because K and I were heading to Ikea and a pizza lunch at Pepe's. Of course when you try to hurry up and do something, God generally has a good chuckle. We started our hike out along the river and stopped to play with a bouncing black lab puppy. As we continued, I was feeling pretty good and thought I might as well get some extra exercise in, so we continued walking a little further than normal. There were two women and a couple of dogs in front of us, so we kept hiking and following them. Soon enough we were back at the parking lot of cars. But much to my chagrin, not our parking lot of cars. Another lot, that I knew was on the other side of the forest. Far, far away from where I had ever been.

My blood pressure started to rise, and we turned around and high-tailed it back the other way. There was a turn off about 5 minutes back and I was certain if we just went back and walked up this other trail, we'd be back on track. So we turned, and we walked, and we walked some more and found nothing familiar for another 40 minutes. I generally have a good sense of direction, but I knew enough to know I was in unchartered territory. Point blank, we were lost and I started to freak out. I started sweating, and running down the trails because I just wanted to get back to the parking lot. Our parking lot. I felt the more freaked out I became, the more lost I got. I knew that if we found the river, we could just follow that back to the entrance. But I only saw high hills covered in trees all around me.

I started to have visions of being lost in the forest. I looked around to see what we could eat if we never made it back. Bailey just wanted to play in the river, and as if to show me she was annoyed, she'd find puddles and jump in them, and wait to see if we could stop and play. I decided to just walk off the trail and move in the general direction I thought the river ran. Finally, after almost an hour, I found the river. What a glorious sight this was, and as soon as Bailey saw it she took off and ran head first, stopping to see if we could play with her ball. I started to follow the river back to the car, and realized after another 10 minutes we were going the wrong way back to the car. Finally, as if a gift from above, a mountain biker was on the trail and stopped right when we crossed him. He looked me in the eye, and pulled a folded map out of his pocket. He slowly unfolded it and I felt like I was in slow motion as I walked towards him.

"Is that a map?"
"Yes, it most certainly is," he said in a British accent.

He showed me where we were were, about 2 miles away from the car. I thanked him, and started off again on our extreme hike. I pictured K calling missing persons, and him waiting for me in the parking lot. But I decided that freaking out wasn't going to get me anywhere faster. I needed to remain calm, and let nature takes it course. We'd get there, we weren't lost in the middle of a foreign country. Finally, after 2 hours of navigating the forest perserve, we made it back to our car. And soon, on our way home.

Back in the comfort of my home...it's one of my favorite places to be. I love going out, and I love to travel, but nothing is sweeter than coming home to what is familiar to me. Whenever we are away from home for awhile or in an uncomfortable situation, all I want to do is come back home. I sometimes have visions of our living room, all of us snuggled on our couch. Where I felt safe.

This rollercoaster of adoption is anything but feeling comfortable and safe. The past few weeks have challenged us more than we ever thought possible. But we are learning that we can't control how this all plays out. We can do what we can to bring a baby home, but mostly, we have to let nature take its course. There are no maps for this, only our instincts, and emotions run high. We try to stay positive and hope at the end we get to bring a baby home with us. But we are also realistic we could end up at the other end of the forest in the wrong parking lot. So for now, I am going to try to just remain calm. And it might be something to tell myself every day. That I'm not the one that will have to part with my baby. That I am so blessed in so many ways.