Making Plans

Ever hear the saying, "life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.*" Nothing could be more appropriate for us in the past few years. We have made many plans only to be laughed at by said plans. It's been a huge lesson of patience and perseverance. We must not forget the perseverance.

Today I was out walking my pup, and two little girls half walked, half skipped past us as only little girls can do. They were about 10 years old, and I caught part of their conversation. One said, "so before we get married and stuff, do you want to get an apartment by ourselves in New York City? Like a HUGE apartment?!" The other responded, "of course!...but we're not marrying each other." And they scurried along, and I thought how cute it was that they were making these plans at the age of 10 years old. Plans are funny things.

But it brought me back to our wedding day. I had invited one of my oldest friends to our wedding, and we had really lost touch. But as a last minute addition, I added her to the guest list and she showed up! She came right up to me, and gave me a hug at the reception and asked immediately why the bridesmaids didn't all have different colored gowns on, like a rainbow. I did have a glass or two of wine, but I looked at her like she was crazy. She said, when we were little, you always talked about how at your wedding the bridesmaids would be wearing different colors...one color was just boring. And in an instant I saw us in our 10 or 11 year old selves talking about such things as our wedding days.

Right now we're making different kinds of plans. We are planning the arrival of a baby. Not our biological baby, but a baby that is to be ours, nonetheless. I have been pregnant, so I know how different this feels to prepare for a baby that is not in my womb. Sometimes I think I can't have a glass of wine...because of the baby! Then I'm brought back to reality that I'm not the one carrying our baby. Then, of course, I go pour myself a huge glass of red wine. I also keep thinking that once the baby arrives, I won't be able to run or do my normal things because I will be sort of recovering...like from giving birth. Don't call the authorities on me...I'm sane, I promise. But since I've done it the other way, this way is so different. Good different, but still different.

While we're making plans, we're still keeping things in check. We are soon going to be meeting our birth mom. I am not nervous, or anxious about it at all. I feel for her, and just want to give her a hug. If she chooses to parent her baby in the end, I will be disappointed, but I will understand. But in the meantime, we'll keep making plans, it's what we do, after all.

*John Lennon