Back in the Saddle

So here we are again...back in the saddle that is branded with infertility. We have some new developments and are moving along.

First, as I think I have mentioned before, we have 5 snow babies, or 5 frozen embryos, or 5 babe-sycles...whatever you feel like calling them. Apparently our RE has a 95% success rate of thawing out these babes, and a little higher rate than his fresh cycles for success. I am, as always, cautiously optimistic. We might get a couple of goes with the frozen cycle. They thaw out 2, see how they do, and if they need to thaw a couple more, or one more, they will before our transfer. I am anxious to get it underway for a couple of reasons. One, I'm really almost at the point to put a stop to this madness. Not having my body belong to me anymore, succumbing to the infertility drugs, is getting old. We started our first IVF cycle 2 years ago. And ever since then I have been on some sort of fertility drugs or pregnancy. It's a long time, too long. It's just about time to move on. But there is still that bit of hope I am holding out that it will work.

In the meantime, I am starting our paper work for a Russian adoption. This is something that I've been thinking about for almost a year now. I did some research with it, and it just felt "right." There just seemed to be little signs everywhere. It's easiest and quickest to get a little boy from Russia, and I was pregnant with a boy. We named the baby Nicholas, and obviously the babies are given Russian names, like Nikolai. Air fare to Moscow is especially inexpensive from Chicago, and every day on our way into work and on my way home, I would see a huge billboard at one intersection from American about the Moscow non-stop flight. These might seem inane to some, but for me, it all started to add up.

We have been signed up for the general adoption class at the agency that I chose, but have missed it 2 or 3 times already. I went to sign up for another one a couple of weeks ago and found that they closed the Russian program. After a mild freak out, I called my sister who is in the process of adopting from Russia (weird coincidence, I have actually been thinking about it a lot longer than her, and she is just waiting for her referral). She told me about her agency that works nationally, so that is who we'll use for the Russian adoption. At first I was kind of bummed that she stole my thunder with the whole thing...but then I realized it's probably another sign, and if we do follow through it, how cool will that be to have cousins that are from the same country? And she can do it all first and tell me what to expect. She's been telling me what to expect my whole life anyway (with high school, college, soriety rush, moving to Chicago, doing triathlons, the list goes on and on).

I am all over the board with feelings, including fear, anxiety, stress, happiness, feeling like a weight is slowing lifting off my shoulders. But mostly I'm tired. I feel like I can't sleep enough and when I do sleep it's uneasy. I think my brain and my heart are just going through some changes. I know from the bottom of my heart that everything will be ok and work out how it's supposed to. I just need to keep pushing a bit to find the answers on our journey. Thankfully, I have the best husband in the world to take this journey with, so that of course makes it easier.

So, we are at the start of one journey, and ending another. We are still unsure where 2009 is going to take us, but it will be somewhere. And somewhere fantastic.