Through Someone Else's Eyes

I'm an avid reader of Matt's blog about his baby and his wife, Liz, who died the day after she gave birth to their baby. I think about them often, at random times in the day. I think a lot about Liz. We were the same age, both grew up in the Midwest. She was a runner and did Team in Training once through the Leukemia Foundation. I did Team in Training once. I think we probably would have been friends had geography been on our side. Last night when I couldn't sleep I thought about why I think we'd be friends. I finally realized it all came down to Matt's writing about her. And it's Matt's perspective that we all have gotten to know Liz so well. I could have hated her or not gotten along with her, but through Matt's eye, I think she was one pretty cool chick.

That got me to thinking about how we are all perceived through other people's eyes. Usually, when we read blogs, we are reading a first person account on the trials and tribulations about infertility, dealing with cancer, or being a mom. But rarely do we get to peek inside someone's sole about their loved ones (excluding all babies). So rarely do we get to really learn about someone's personality and idiosyncrasies through the eyes of someone else. This dynamic was interesting to me.

I thought about how I'd be perceived through Kevin's eyes, or if my parents or sister were to write a blog if I were no longer here. What would they say about me, and what would be the things that they would remember the most? As we all strive to be the best that we can be, would I be happy with their account, or even think it's accurate? Would they think I'd be really laid back in a certain situation, but if it had actually happened I would have probably freaked out?

This all came full circle last night. Sundays are usually my day to go all out and cook a dinner...usually one that I haven't tried. It could probably be more accurately described as just putting questionable food on our plates and destroying the kitchen, but I enjoy it nonetheless. Of course I got a migraine and had to make some revisions to the meal because I just didn't have the energy for what I first planned. I told Kevin all of this and he responded something like..."I KNEW you weren't going to end up making that big of a meal." I thought...really? I am making it, just not the whole shebang. But it is also totally like me to scrap the whole thing and order a pizza, too. But I have big visions and sometimes lofty goals, so at least I'm trying.

Obviously, it's tough to see ourselves through someone else's eyes. And we probably will never really see what that other person is thinking. All we can hope for is do our best and live the lives that we think best and hope others just love us for who we are, and perhaps a little bit of who we strive to be.