All my life I have wanted a baby. I wasn't one of those women at the age of 30 that thought now might be a good time to have a baby join our clan. Ever since I can remember, I wanted to be a mom. Though I've tried hard in my jobs, I have never been very career driven, or even obsessed with making the most money. My ultimate career goal is motherhood. I always knew I was going to be a mom to children from my womb or another woman's womb. Always.
Since we've tried a few IVF cycles, and since losing Nicholas, I think more and more about adopting lately. I think of going to Russia (maybe Palin can help us since they're neighbors and all), or China, or even domestic adoption to adopt the bundle of joy that is meant to join our family.
Lately, every time I see my girlfriends, they ALL ask me how we are doing. It's very nice for people to check up on me, I really do appreciate that the cat's out of the bag and I can be honest about our current situation and doing IVF. Lately, I've mentioned to a few people that we'd consider adoption if the next IVF cycle didn't work. I more so wanted to see how it felt to say it out loud. Gage my feelings with it, and see if I was comfortable and if it was a road we'd really explore. As I told each of 3 or 4 girlfriends separately, I felt exhilarated and excited! Each friend gave the same positive feedback with lit up faces. That yes, a family is the important thing, doesn't matter where you all come from.
But then, their faces got even brighter. EVERY...SINGLE...ONE...OF...THEM. And I'm not kidding when I say that each friend, and separately, finished the conversation with, "and then I bet you get pregnant because you adopted!!" Cue in my face and emotions deflating, and I explain to them, that yes, most everyone knows someone that this has happened to, but the probability of it actually happening is so small. Not only that, but if we do consider adoption, it is not my way to sneak around the system to get pregnant. I consider it an honor to raise another woman's baby, not just a 2nd choice, or what's behind door number 2. It start building our family, and it would be the greatest thing to adopt.
I am almost at the point of conceding the pregnancy race. I have given this fight my (almost) all. We’ll try IVF 1 or 2 times at the very most, and then I’m done. I can’t do it anymore. I will wave my white non-pregnancy flag high in the air, and surrender with grace. We will then take out a black and white checkered flag and wave it for go. Wave it for adoption. Wave it because we are so lucky that this is even an option to us. Either way, we will win the war. And of that I’m sure.
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I totally agree with you. I have always seen myself as a mom, not a career women. And I ALWAYS saw myself adopting, which I will do.
ReplyDeleteI can't tell you how many times I would excitly tell ppl about our adoption plans and they ALWAYS would end and you know what as soon as you start the process you'll get PG! I hated that remark and would usually say something like, oh that would be nice, but that is not our goal, we want to adopt. And they would be ohh right.
We did get pregnant while going through the adoption process, but we got the the matching stage before getting pregnant and it wasn't some adoption miracle, is was an IUI, so unmiracleish. But I can't tell you how many ppl said to me, seee you started the adoption stuff and got pregnant. I wasn't even nice to these people anymore and said actually we were going through infertiltiy treatments and the same time we were doing adoption, no relation.
I just can't stand that. These kids deserve more then being used as tools to get pregnant. They have been through so much and deserve a wonderful loving family, not a family who is just using the process in hopes of getting pregnant! I don't even know why ppl think this is an ok comment to say!
sorry, haha you hit one of my buttons.
I wish you all the luck in the world with the adoption process, if you decide to go that route. it is a truly wonderful, frustrating, exciting process! I can't wait to start it up again!
AMEN SISTER!!!! As an adoptive mom in waiting, I can't tell you how annoying it is when people say "ooh I bet you'll get pregnant after you adopt"... It is deflating and it does hurt...it's like why can't you just be happy that we are bringing this child into our lives to love and not think that it will "be better" and "more exciting" if we are able to get pregnant after that. I usually say... actually that statistic is only around 4% of adoptive parents end up pregnant after adopting!! and I usually add in that due to my prognosis it really would truly be a miracle, AND I am actually pretty detached from being "physically pregnant" at this point just because my heart is so much on the adoption path and I just "know" this is how we are meant to grow our family. I just wish people would realize that people (most people) adopt because they want to grow their families...they don't see any distinction between a birth child and a child from another's womb... it is THEIR child and they are parents and are happy with the way that child has come into their lives. Anyway...I have so much more to say, but I will save my soap box for my own blog!! heehee!! I love ya hon!
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to add my voice to those who say that they hate hearing that!
ReplyDeleteI have gotten so tired of the "Oh! Just adopt & then you'll get pregnant!" argument that I've stopped talking to people who don't know our story about our process.
I, like Kristy, add the stats to my response when I do discuss adoption with them.
It's just a classic case of someone who wants to say SOMETHING so they say something silly and not helpful.
{{{HUGS}}}