Last night Kevin and I finally started the conversations which I'm going to now refer to as Baby 2009. I've even made a folder in my hotmail account with the same name to put all my emails for doctor appointments, etc. I like it...Baby 2009. In terms of how we are going to proceed with Baby 2009, we have decided to go check out 2 new clinics to chat with these doctors to see what they say about us doing IVF again. If they don't have much to offer us, then Baby 2009 will be coming from another mama's womb, and that's ok too. So I was feeling pretty good about our progress. I already have these 2 appointments set up for early January, and will sign us up for an adoption class as well to keep the ball rolling. Then my friend called...
About 2 weeks ago, one of my best friends broke up with her boyfriend and my girlfriend and I went over to her condo to help dry the tears and soothe the broken heart. Before we got to my broken-hearted friends place, we stopped at Starbucks where my friend ordered a decaf coffee. Her ordering a decaf coffee is like Britney wearing underwear. It doesn't happen. We got to my friend's place and she probably went to the bathroom 2-3 times in an hour. So I had my suspicions, but I was nursing my own broken heart of our failed IVF cycle, I didn't really care. Well, last night, she called to tell me her good news. Her GREAT news!
I couldn't be happier for her. I think any baby conceived (naturally on their first try, just sayin') is a blessing. A miracle. I wouldn't wish this horrible journey we're traveling on anyone. But really, first try? Naturally? She was having problems in her marriage about 4 months ago too. But like I said, I really am happy for her, but it's like a reverse scale. As my happiness goes up for someone else, my sadness and want increases more as well. And I am sometimes just pelted with how much our situation sucks. As much as I try to remain positive, sometimes a little elf of negativity, depression and pain sneaks its way in.
I hate that little elf. He's mean, and selfish and zaps all my energy. I think I need to kick him out and move on...once again...and concentrate on Baby 2009. Unfortunately, that's a little easier said than done today.
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oh hun! I am sorry. what a brutal kick in the pants when you are trying to feel good about your plan. why does the universe do that??
ReplyDeletewell if it helps, I think your plan is great! and I am so super excited for you, cause Baby 2009 is going to result in a baby one way or another! It will, for real!! In 2009 or early 2010 you will be a mom! YAY! best year ever!!!
That elf has gotten me too... too many times than I'm comfortable admitting to. But we're only human. And feelings are very complex things. But I love how you are focusing on the year ahead, I think it's a very constructive thing to do. Don't let that elf hold you back!
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